| Chicago |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|07:18 pm] |
So much, so fast.
In two weeks I will be saying good bye to my job. My family. My friends. My man. The only place I have ever lived. I will be heading out east where the men play golf and the women... well... I haven't figured out what the women do yet.
My work has sent me to Chicago for my second to last week of work. I am taking Friday off to drive down to West Lafayette and look at apartments. I am planning on keeping a blog during my time in graduate school. This transition has been tuff. I stated meditating every day which has seriously helped.
I know its the right thing for me, but it sure is hard. I am going to miss California. |
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| SFF (straight female friend) |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|02:23 am] |
Me and Xavier are really starting to bond. Tonight we went to a queer dance together. At the begining of the dance I was totally getting into it, and having a blast. Then I kinda started to loose interest, but I was still dancing.
My ability to dance decreeses in porportion on how much I am feeling it.
Well, I meet all his friends, and stuff. They are all so cute. One of them was in aww that i only payed four dollars for the dress at the goodwill. I must admit, its a CUTE dress. They are really cool guys.
I really had a good night. This was something I really needed. An excape from the norm. |
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| reality check |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|05:13 pm] |
ok...
so i have been gaga land ever since i wrote that letter. Looking only at signs and trying to analyse the subcounsous to an extream. I have been secluding myself and reading love poems for the last couple days. There has been these poems by John Clare that have really rung true to me. There is some symbolisms in his poems that just makes so much sense to me...
so, I descided to read his bio on wikipedia. His love, Mary, was daughter of prosperous farmer. he forbade her to be with him. He was heart broken, wrote poems and books. married another women. He slowly started to become crazy and then commiteed himself to an asylum.
At the end of his life he went out to the woods in hope to see her. he stayed there for five months. his current wife then commited him and he spent the rest of his life in an asylme.
I really cant let this get to my head.
=) |
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| email whore |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|02:41 pm] |
I must admit. There is no better feeling in the world then pressing send. Unknowing of the response, but knowing my intentions...
I am being honest to myself. I do not have to worry how I am looked upon.
I wrote another letter to Prof. Swidler. She was my amazing soc. professor who taught the AIDS in Africa course. It seemed to me sociology is basically compassion. That is what I learned from it. I learned how people think and why they think it. She explained how any of us could be in the shoes of the individuals with AIDS. We would be doing the same thing they are doing. Their society made much more "sence" than ours did. If you look at things in terms of emotions, and not dollars, the world becomes much more clearer.
It was eye-opening course.
I had written her a letter before regarding how much I enjoyed her course, and how I believe she should be teaching members of congress and UNAIDS. And how I looked at her as much more of an expert on AIDS than anyone with an MD. Since AIDS represents much more of a social threat than a physical threat. I explained my views and how the problems of this world are lack of communications. She never responded to that email, but after sitting through her lectures, I think she understood.
Today I sent her this email:
Dear Prof. Swilder,
I wrote the attached letter planning to send to the Oakland Tribune. It is meant to outline my views on how the city of Berkeley should not try to impeach bush, and that this vote to do so is counter-active to their goal. Policies better suited for the city should focus on the homeless problem, and the divide between the rich and the poor. There should be more compassion in the city, and not fear.
However, when I had my housemates proofread my letter many questions and comments arose. Such as “so what do you want the city to do?” and “this impeachment is just a symbol of the fact we don’t want bush in office.” I had one housemate offer to help, not because he believed in my principle, but he felt it was a waste of time and money for the city to put this on the ballot.
I did not have enough knowledge or credibility to back up my arguments with the housemates, so I realized I would ultimately look like a fool if I tried to present it to the newspaper, but I was wondering if you would want to send it. You have the knowledge and the credibility to write a letter like this. Or you might know some one who is up for the challenge.
I feel this letter should be written and, if articulated correctly it will start a ripple that is longing to be in motion.
Sincerely,
Julia Thompson
Damn... I on such a high... very giddy.
Nothing bad can come from a letter like this. My self-confidence increases a little and I get to get over my self-loathing phase I was in. That does not depend on her response. The two options are, one, I get freakin awesome letter of recommendation for grad school and a step closer to world peace or ... nothing, she doesn’t need to listen to me if she doesn’t want to. Nothing bad can happen. Maybe she might think I am crazy, but she is on the other side of the email. I don’t have to see her reaction. I don’t have care if she thinks I am crazy.
SEND SEND SEND.
Its so beautiful. |
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| Childhood Stories. |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|11:23 am] |
My parents love telling stories of me as a child. Two specifically describe me as a person.
One…
When I was about five, my family and I went on a trip to Hawaii. On the plane my mother looked at me and said:
“You can be a stewardess when you grow up. Then we can fly for free”
I replied:
“Why cant I be the pilot”
*she felt horrible.
Two…
I always talked a lot as a child. And on road trips, the way my dad got me to be quiet was by having me do math problems. |
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| Selfish… and lovin it… |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|09:31 am] |
I am probably one of the most selfish and conceded people I know. I pride myself on my ability of making people feel good for the sole purpose of my personal self-gratification.
I had the best time last night. I bonded with some of my closest friends. I laughed, I danced, I sang, I smiled, and I gave many hugs. Now, I wake up feeling so good about myself. I can’t stop thinking how wonderful my friends must feel. I told them how much I loved them and how special they are. I impacted their life in a little way and boosted their self-confidence.
Its such a wonderful feeling… knowing that you made the world a little bit happier. I suggest more people try being nice, but if it’s not for you… I understand. You really should not force someone to be nice. As a mater of fact, I don’t think you can. The intent and ultimate goal will suffer.
But personally, I love being nice. I feel so good about it. |
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| Moments |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|03:42 pm] |
My life is full of moments. Where everything seems to fall into place. I feel a connection with people I am with and my surroundings. At that time I know that I am heading down the correct path. Its beautiful, it really is.
People tell me so much stuff, but it is my choice to listen or not. I have found there is nothing wrong with anything as long as I am fallowing my heart. When I want to change my behavior it is not my actions I address, but the emotions associated with them. It is not my place to say any other person is wrong. Who am I to decide anyone’s fate? I believe everything happens for a reason, I only regret things that I have done within the last two weeks. Everything else I have learned from. I do not believe in universal morals, I think anything can be rationalized if the objective is altered. The only laws that must be fallowed are the laws of physics; everything else can be broken.
Personally, I believe that everyone is equal and I long for a world that represents such.
In Sunday School, as a child, I remember the teacher telling a story of how Jesus helped a prostitute. The teacher pointed out how Jesus acted “as if” they where equal. She totally missed the point. THEY ARE EQUAL! Every person has emotions, fears, thoughts and all that good stuff.
We should be honest with ourselves. Spend time with ourselves. W are all such beautiful people we should really get to know ourselves better.
I strive to be completely selfish, to do everything purely because I enjoy it. Who ever I am spending time with will know that I am not being forced by any means, and I am with them because I want to be. That is what I want to except from others. That is what I want out of all relationships.
That is what makes the moments in my life. |
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| Tribute to inspirations |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|06:21 pm] |
I am feeling enlighten and refreshed.
Like always, time with Talia has given me deeper insight on myself. I always have a great deal of self-confidence after spending quality time with her. We are so close. I can speak to her in my inner monolog. Everyone needs a Talia.
I had written her a beautiful letter for her graduation. She loved it and said that no words could describe it. I felt so ecstatic to give t to her and to see her response. I love giving gifts from the heart.
We discovered that we both wanted to go to Boston for grad school at the same time. It will be cute. We will take yoga, drink health shakes and save the world.
Her aunt and cousins were town for he graduation. We talked about my engineering curriculum aspirations and my mom’s massage therapy. They were impressed and I got inspired. Talia’s aunt is an emotional software engineer. We connected.
Once all her family went their ways, we got down to emotional mushy stuff. Topics of crushes, sex, make out sessions, girls, boys… you know… the gossip stuff.
Insecurities about jealousy got brought up. Not that I am a jealous person in romantic relationships, but more in day-to-day life. I see someone do something I want to be dong, and I am jealous of it. Like having more friends on myspace, or seeing someone being in a happy relationship. Many times I take these things personally.
She showed me a book she was reading that had a chapter on jealousy. It mentioned that a lot of jealousy is envy. That people are being jealous because they are missing certain things in their life. So by doing the act that someone else is doing will make you feel better, and get over your jealousy. Like if someone is eating a good lunch and you feel jealousy. Make yourself a good lunch, and don’t just complain about how horrible your lunch is.
Also, if you cant do anything about it, the book suggested that it’s ok to just feel jealous. Its natural, don’t deny the feelings, just feel.
Why are all the hardest lessons in life so easy? |
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| The finest forms of communication are unspoken. |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|01:20 am] |
When Casey first saw me, she came to me, put her head on my shoulder and gave me a gigantic hug. I had not seen her in years, but I still consider myself an older sister to her. I was there for the first four years of her life. I rocked her to sleep when she was an infant. Now, she just turned eight, and is oh so beautiful.
On the day of the wedding she followed me around giving me hugs and kisses. I spun her around in circles. We wrestled. We danced. We laughed. We smiled. She stared at me while I was doing my hair. I pointed the blow dyer in her face. Just like my mother used to do to me. She was adorable in her pretty pink dress.
She came to my room when I had secluded myself. I was feeling sad and was sketching in my journal. I showed her my drawing and read her my interpretation on art:
“A song can change the course of history just like my words and actions can have a huge impact on the world around me. I can make someone’s day with a smile or I can make someone feel bad if I ignore them. We are all art.”
I then read her the entry that I wrote when I first saw her earlier that day. She smiled. She understood.
We didn’t talk much. We did not need to. In the evening I held her closely in my arms. We connected, the family connected.
When we said our good-byes, she told she wanted me to go to the lake with her. I told her I needed to go home, and I will visit her some day. I recommended to her that she continues giving hugs. It is a good hobby.
She nodded.
The goodbyes were warm and sincere. Logan, who rarely asks for hugs, kept coming to me asking for an “Aunty Julia Hug.”
Relatives who had bad blood in the past were able to embrace.
It was beautiful. |
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| Vanity is my favorite sin |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|06:08 pm] |
The title is a quote said by Antonio, for those who know Antonio you know the beauty of the above quote. And for those of you who really know me, know that there is no negative connotation regarding the above sentence.
I have been spending much of my time in the last couple days focusing on me. Its nice not having school, work or anything else. But the lack of food at the coop, my diet that I am on and the lack of money this summer has put me in a constant state of hunger and discomfort. And the excess time creates unneeded drama in my life. I really can be a drama queen some times. I never knew how much fun it could be, but it makes me awkward. Some things I just need to keep to myself.
I seem to have mental growth sprits during vacations from school. Even in these last couple days I have grown so much. I am looking forward for this summer as a chance to get more in touched with me. I am going to get over my fear of riding a bicycle and I will loose ten pounds. I will also spend more time in nature, I will go to the marina and the botanic gardens (hopefully bike there). I will spend time on my research regarding renewable energy and the engineering curriculum. I will go to gym a couple times a week and I will develop my muscle mass and try yoga (probably not, because I hate going to new classes alone, I get way to embarrassed and I don’t know anyone else who wants to go to with me). I will write letters to people I know, and maybe another story if I am inspired to do so. I will develop relationships with new people and create more depth to current ones.
I will talk to Amber again, and build our relationship. That excites me.
I really want to bring up the food thing again. I am just to hungry right now. I need to eat and not write. But I am oh so lazy and in front of the computer. |
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